Whalin' on Palin, or, Sarah, Vain and Small
This woman is stupider than a sackful of moose dung and more dangerous than a hairdryer dropped in the bath. If you think I'm being too hard on her, go read the transcript of her breathtakingly godawful showing in front of Katie Couric, who is herself no Stephen Hawking but who looked so by comparison. The fourth selectman of a backwoods rural township has better interviewee skills than Palin. I defy you to sympathize with her after that. AND SHE WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT?!?!?! She's not fit to run a gas station, a knitting club, a lemonade stand at a county fair.
The evidence can't be stated strongly enough, or often enough:
She gave birth to a Down's syndrome baby, which we do not mock. Then...No, wait, it's really her teenage daughter's baby!
No, it's actually HER baby after all, though she doesn't stay home with him and the only time you ever see him is when she has the unwed teenage daughter dangle him for photo ops.
BUT the unwed teenage daughter who got no sex education in the Alaska public school system her mother oversees IS pregnant. And McCain's camp wants to use the shotgun wedding of said sexually inabstinent daughter to horny redneck teen Levi Johnston for political capital! Happily Ever After coming right up!
She fired a police commissioner because he wouldn't fire her ex-brother-in-law. Because the b-i-l was mean to her sister! There's an investigation ongoing into this, which is supposed to publish its findings the week before Election Day. Want to bet this somehow will get mysteriously "delayed"? No, I didn't think so.
She fired (then had to rehire) the librarian in the tiny town of Wasilla for not banning books she considered evil and wrong (man, would I love to see that booklist! Are you kidding, would I love to be ON that booklist!).
Yet she has no difficulty believing that humans and dinosaurs coexisted: "I've seen pictures of human footprints walking next to dinosaur footprints!" Yeah, Palin, I've seen them too. They were the footprints…OF A GIGANTIC HOUND!
No, just kidding. If there even were actual footprints and not just fundie Photoshopping, they were the footprints of the paleontologists excavating the fossils. Duh! I guess she didn't notice the Reebok sneaker treads in the imprints…or maybe she thought God created Reeboks 6,000 years ago too, for Adam and Eve to put on their poor sinful feets when trekking out of the Garden of Eden.
McCain, long time ago, once actually cited Palin as an example of "earmarks" (pork) run amuck. I guess he forgot he did that, being old, half-drunk, a compulsive gambler and probably dying of skin cancer (he won't release his medical records. Hmm, wonder why). She's his biggest gamble yet!
She claims she's a big reformer against pork-barrel legislation, but she was quite happy to stick her snout in the trough for the Bridge to Nowhere. Then she was suddenly all against pork after Congress, in the face of universal mockery, deep-sixed the bridge.
But Caribou Barbie kept 27 million dollars of the bridge dough and applied it where she thought porkery would go down best: a toy village of 7,000 people, whence cometh the claim she falls back on for "more experience than Senator Obama", who probably had in his Congressional district the equivalent of most of the population of Alaska. She's a baconator!
She boasts that she has lotsa foreign policy experience because Alaska is next to Russia. (She got the line from Cindy McCain, that tower of foreign policy experience. Oh, sorry, I meant Botox experience. Queen Cindy of Botoxia! Now THERE's a piece of foreign policy cred!) Oh, and Alaska's next to Canada, too! That's a foreign country, Canada is, did you know that? Yes! It is! And Palin has actually talked to Canadians!
She stuck to that Russia line like fish glue and then repeated it endlessly, because she had zip else to fall back on and never realized how hard people were laughing, until finally she used it to Katie Couric, who did her damnedest to keep from rolling on the floor screaming with helpless mirth. Couric's inner cheeks are probably still bleeding where she bit them to stop herself laughing in Palin's face. If you look closely when the camera's on her, you can see her mouth twitching and the utter disbelief in her eyes. Yay Katie!
When asked, Palin couldn't name a single Supreme Court decision except, of course, the one she wants overturned: Roe v. Wade. Not Brown v. Board of Education, not Miranda v. Arizona, not Dred Scott, not Bakke, not any other historic and reverberant decision. Sarah, you ignorant slut! [/Dan Aykroyd]
Speaking of the Supreme Court (or the High Nine, as rednecks inexplicably liked to call it in my youth, on phone-in radio programs out there in Flyoverland): I'd be very interested to hear Palin's thoughts, if you can call her mental processes that, on, say, Griswold v. Connecticut. Of course, someone would first have to carefully explain to her that this was a landmark 1965 Supreme Court ruling that established the right of married couples to use contraception. Many fundies and conservatives like Palin are dead set against not just the right to abortion but the right to contraception of any sort. For anyone.
They even want to prevent husbands and wives employing the pill or condoms or any other method to space their families, a decision that is nobody's business but that of the people involved. If Palin, as is very likely (considering that her daughter's been knocked up by a redneck moron at 17), shares that viewpoint too, Americans must know about it. NOW.
She and her loathsome kind must be kept out of people's bedrooms, single, married, gay or straight. Or else you or your daughter or sister or niece or granddaughter will end up carrying their rapist's babies to term because that's how Sarah Palin wants it.
(And to tell the truth, I have to give her credit for being consistent. If you happen to believe a fetus is a baby, then all fetuses are babies however horrifically conceived, and I can see where she'd take the all-or-nothing viewpoint. It's utterly insane and inhumane, and puts a collection of cells ahead of a living, breathing, thinking woman, but I do understand the warped logic.)
Oh, goodness, there's just so much else so transcendently wonderful that we don't know about her, isn't there! And we never will now, until it's too late, since the Repugs have her muzzled and chained for fear their lipsticked little pit bull will get loose on national TV and rabidly bite them in the butts.
It's an absolute outrage that more members of the media aren't outraged about this. Where's the righteous wrath? Where are the scathing indictments? All on the blogosphere, folks. That's where the big stories break these days.
I tell you, I'm ashamed of my journalistic profession…a bunch of toothless old tigers, too afraid to offend McCain by speaking truth about his lies because, oooh, they'll be barred from the campaign plane like Maureen Dowd.
Well, so freakin' what? McBrainless doesn't answer any real questions anyway! GET him on that! Hold his feet to the fire until he squirms, the way real reporters do! He's been allowed to weasel his way out of far too much and he's told far too many lies. He's a blowhard, a liar, a FUCKING liar and a hypocrite. No more free ride! Come on, journos! Don't hold back when it really matters! What would John Peter Zenger do?
There. Done now. For today.